Who I am for you?

If I am the Sunrise, I couldn't give you warmth..
If I am the Rainbow, I couldn't coloring your day..
If I am the moon, I couldn't give you light to your nights..

So who I am for you?
I feel lost without a meaning for you..

The feeling

So, this is the feeling.. It’s kind of hard and feel so bad..

It’s not easy to express my feeling that I pressed deep inside of our heart for almost the whole of my life. It’s hard to tell somebody about what happen to me and how I feel about it.. For many years I’ve seen a lot of things and feel a lot of feeling in my home. Just see and feel bad about it without ability to let it out with share it to somebody or express it with doing something. I just keep quite and trying to do my best to make everything better. To create a life that I wanna have.. I know probably my brothers have the same feeling like me. We all same.. We feel bad for what happen in our house; we pressed all the feeling, all the sadness, and all the anger deep inside of our heart. We trying our best to fixed everything.

I never realize that all the things that happen in my house will damage my life. I don’t know.. I just feel like that.. I feel incomplete in the middle of this complete family. So, this is the feeling.. soooo bad.. and don’t know what to do about it..

I always keep my self strong. Do my best on everything that I do to pay their attention on me. I do everything that (maybe) they want me to do.. but don’t know why everything always not enough.. not enough to take their attention.. not enough to feel a little warm love from them.. not enough to make us complete as a complete family.. and not enough for many things that I want..

Sometimes I share my feeling to my close friends.. I always hope that it can make me much more better but it still not enough to make me feel better..

Sometimes it’s good for me because I learn a lot from my life experiences.. but the bad things is all these experiences give me so painful feeling..

I read a quote that “We can’t change other people, what we can do is change our self”. I always change my self to be a better person every time I know that I need to change my self.. I change so many times. But it’s never enough to have them as my real parents